Visibility is the Answer

A solution for the ADHDer who "just can't".

I am all about the doing.

What does it take for someone with my kind of skull spaghetti, my craptastic neurons, my depressive disorder, my dumbass anxiety… what does it take for me to do a sucky thing?

When it comes to stuff like doing my laundry, filing taxes, writing this substack article…I don’t want to be caged by the conditions of my mood state, or my current emotions.

I know that I’m not a normie, so “suck it up and just do it’ is out. So what, then, does it take?

I love this topic.

I’m all for regulating my emotions, but I don’t want to wait around for my emotions to be regulated to do my laundry. How do I do it even though?! Laundry, in this case, is ‘anything I have intended to do that I don’t want to do in the moment’. We all like acronyms, right? Ok, so let’s have AI whip one up for the word LAUNDRY: A ‘laundry task’ is Logically Approved, Unappealing Now, Dull, and Resistance Yielding. Perfect. That’s the damn laundry, for sure. That’s also the taxes.

I feel like always have to caveat this stuff, because I don’t want to sound oppositional to it: I believe in doing the work to regulate emotions. I do that work, myself! I believe that every single one of us should be in therapy. I am a fan of polyvagal work…I do those excercises!

That being said, I am diagnosed with not just ADHD, but I’ve also been cursed with a diagnosis of depressive disorder and lo’ and behold when I read my health chart awhile ago, I noticed that my psychiatrist diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder. I have traumas from my past that I still work on. YAY! I am 50 years old. And I have no desire to be “healed” before I start my LAUNDRY.

I want to know how to do a thing, even though my ADHD is all “NOT NOW”ing me.

I want to know how to do a thing, even when I’m feeling apathetic and all “What’s the point of it all?”

I want to know how to do a thing, even when I’m freaking out about the future.

I want to know how to do a thing, even when I’m overwhelmed and struggling to even figure out what’s the ‘right’ thing to do.

I want to know how to do a thing when everything in my body tells me that something else is more important.

I want to know how to do a thing when I planned to do it, even though when the moment comes my brain does everything in it’s power to give me a loophole out (like suddenly having motivation to do some other shitty task??)

I want to know how to do a thing even though I know the output won’t be perfect or to my standards.

This is what drives me. This is my ‘gift’, I guess. I’m a guy who is endlessly curious and fascinated by what it takes for us to do stuff.

It’s all too much for a single substack, but you can take this with you if you’ve read this far. A tool that truly works magic for getting things done is Visibility.

Visibility is the art form of putting your intentions out into the world so that other eyeballs see it, or other ears hear it, and it creates accountability, which then adds extra pressure to help make it more likely to happen.

Visibility is a massively helpful tool you can try. All it requires is vulnerability, courage, and a community.

Why vulnerability?

Well, it requires you saying something that you never thought you’d be saying as an adult. “I am letting everyone know I’m doing the laundry!” I don’t know about you, but that used to make me feel like an incapable child. ‘I need support for doing shit I already know how to do, that is my responsibility in this household’?! What a loser! Can I just tell you the freedom I feel from not giving a shit about that stuff anymore. If I need help committing to making my bed, I’ll declare it. I’m here for the doing.

Guess who made his bed today because he is doing a ‘make the bed in the morning’ challenge inside his community for adults with ADHD?

Why courage?

You know the cliche, it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Even though we are afraid that this will be another failed attempt, even though we’ve tried this before, even though we hate that feeling of shame when we have to face someone after we let them down…visibility takes a bit of courage. My catch phrase in life is “even though.” It’s magical for doing the things.

Why a community?

I mean, if you read this substack, you will already have the answer to this. This could literally be your supportive spouse, your friend, your brother, your coworker, your online hobby train group. For me, it’s ADHDBB. We need someone(s) else to make this stuff visible to. By declaring intentions to someone else, we create that extra bit of tension which makes the task more likely to happen.

Take it to the next level: I’m in my body doubling room at ADHDBB with Rae and Aubree writing this article. They are getting shit done as well. I’ve made my entire being visible which makes me more likely to get this done. By having them on my screen, they are a constant reminder of what I’m intending to do right now. When I find myself pulled into a tab and sucked into the abyss of the internet, a glance on my computer reminds me “Hey dude! You’re in a body doubling session!” And then back to work I go.

What I would love for you to try is coming to ADHD Big Brother and start ‘doing the thing’s. I am in this to help you move your needle forward, even though. That uncomfortable process can be done in a fun way, surrounded by folks doing their things even though, myself included! I need visibility, so I built the communty I need. Come try it and see for yourself. We are 60+ strong as of this article.

Hear it from Thomas…he posted this in our wins section recently:

Man I overplanned today with what I wanted to get done. BUT IT MOSTLY ALL HAPPENED!!!! Before 6 pm! And earlier today my wife said “what’s up with all the productivity lately?” IT’S ADHD BIG BROTHER BABY!!!!

Get visibility going. Join us if you want the quick, easy, supportive way to get it.