Too Many Choices!

The Hellscape of Seeking Help

I have “x” problem and I need a solution. I’m hungry, I need food. I’m cold, I need heat. I’m depressed, I need….what do I need? I have anxiety, what do I need? I have ADHD, what do I need?

Every problem has a need. That need comes with a choice to be made.

I recently got pretty dysregulated by the overwhelm of all these decisions. In just my one little moment of feeling depressed one day, my brain went through this seemingly endless list of treatment options.

Therapies could be ACT, DBT, CBT, or maybe talk therapy. I could do parts work with IFS. I could do EMDR. What about TMS? I could practice mindfulness, or maybe figure out what all this polyvagal stuff is about. I could exercise. I could read a book. I could meditate, but which style of meditation? I could do transcendental, insight, mala bead, mantra, or I guess I could kick on Insight Timer and do a guided meditation. But which one? Do I want to talk to a spirit guide, go on some kind of Akashic records journey thing, or just hear someone take me through a body scan? And for how long? Maybe it’s about the energy in my body, but which one? Chakras? Meridians? Chi? Maybe I just need to lean in to god. But which one? there are more than two to choose from! Maybe I just need to change my diet and take supplements. But which ones? Do they work, or am I just being influenced by someone with influence about the influential benefits of a thing they got money to promote? I better do the research…but then what research? How do I read research and how do I know if it’s good research and not just some scientific study paid for by the bad guy. Wow this is paralyzing.

That was just depression! We haven’t even touched on ADHD and how debilitating this can be. How do I approach this? Some people want me to think it’s a superpower, some people think it’s a superbummer. Some people want you to use their app. Some people think you need the right planner. Do I need coaching? That’s really expensive! Do I need a book? I never read them! Do I need to join a community? I’ll never log in. I need help, but I’m convinced I have to figure it out on my own. And yet I am unable to figure it out on my own, because I have ADHD and I need help. Wow this is impossible.

I just want my depression to go away, but this is way too difficult. I just want to manage my ADHD, but nothing seems right. Just take a pill! Yeah, that sounds magical. And oh man, they work good. Yes, thank you, I appreciate that insight and I’m a huge fan of instant gratification and I really love how well pills work. But I’m one of those sad sacks that has side effects that don’t really counteract the problem. I would gladly welcome dry mouth any day of the week! But the last time I took medicine for depression my nose would randomly bleed like it was a main artery, without warning, throughout the day. Maybe once. Maybe twice. Maybe not at all…not really worth it to me.

Talking to a therapist is amazing advice. Everybody should be talking to a therapist, in my opinion. But it’s just like taking a pill, I still have to go through an oftentimes arduous learning process of whether or not that particular therapist works for me.

What I find to be ultra frustrating, as an adult with ADHD and depression, is that choice is already hard enough. I cannot become an expert in all these fields to become wise enough to decide which one of these modalities is right for me. And the hurdle to even get this process going is it’s own level of hell.

In my depressiest of depresso times, I don’t have the energy, or the will, to seek treatment.

Do you remember the last time you were in a depressive episode? As you were barely able to get out of bed to go to work could you imagine now the task of:

• Do some research online for the best mental health professional who treats your particular struggle.

• Do some research first to see if they even take your insurance

  • If not, do some research to figure out how much it’s going to cost

• Do some research on your budget to find out if you can afford that cost

• Make an appointment

• Oh great, earliest appointment is 3 months out…hmmm.

• Go back to 1 and research online for the best mental health professional…

We haven’t even gotten to the point of:

• Talk with them to decide if you gel with them.

• Give them a real shot, which means at least a few sessions.

In normie-speak, this is a ‘just do it’ situation. You gotta just get the ball moving because it’s important. One step at a time. But to a depresso with ADHD, speaking for myself, this is a ‘let’s try playing video games all night and then see if tomorrow gets better’ game plan. This is a ‘well, I guess I will try and drink it away/smoke it away/snort it away/inject it away/sex it away one more night’ type of situation. Not good. Not helpful. Not effective.

Many of you know already that I think community is a magical answer. Online, specifically, and I’ll explain why. What I’ve been building at ADHDBB is a place where others can gather who have the same type of skull spaghetti. We can be vulnerable and talk openly about our struggles. We can share insights and maybe fast track solutions based on the collective experience of others. And where we move our needles forward despite the bullshit going on in our head.

It’s a place where can openly talk about how hard it is to look for a therapist, and have other members chime in with how they handled it, and to offer accountability and assistance in the form of support to move their needle forward.

Imagine a place where you can be vulnerable enough to say you are having a hard time on something as seemingly simple as ‘making a phone call’. You don’t have to mask and act like you have your shit together. You can say, “I am gonna spend 20 minutes researching doctors today” and you get support and encouragement and high fives for the effort.

We need to have more of these bridges to help adults with ADHD and depression bridge the chasm of helpless and hopeless to finally feeling like we can do the hard things necessary to get ourselves on track the way we envision it for ourselves.

It’s why I’m such a huge fan of the online community aspect as opposed to the in person community aspect. Yes, in person is always so much more connecting. But good luck getting me out the door when I’m down. Good luck convincing me that I’m not the biggest asshole loser in the room. Why would I attend an event where I’m sure I’m hated…I wouldn’t want to waste people’s time. But an online community that I can access on my phone? That’s a hurdle I can jump. Your turn.

How do you get your support? Are you a member of a community? Family and friends? Spouse? Who is your amazing therapist/coach? Share! Your comments may just help your fellow ADHDer.