The Three Categories of Adults with ADHD
An article on how to do the doing of the things...
This is a common enough theme in my own personal experience as an ADHD professional that I thought it worth a share. I view late diagnosed adults with ADHD in 3 categories:
Category 1 - The Newly Diagnosed - Discovering ADHD
This is an ADHDer who found out that the reason for all that “laziness” all those times when they felt like losers and that they were unable to get their shit together - that has a name! ADHD! Oh, so I’m not just a shitty husband, who is constantly overwhelmed with projects and to-dos, who can’t prioritize his life, who is lazy because he sucks.
With a mix of relief (thank god I’m not a lazy turd!) and regret (if only I’d known sooner!) this adult with ADHD takes the deep dive! Thanks to the couples therapist who couldn’t help me save my marriage, but diagnosed me ADHD and sent me down the rabbit hole. Just like everyone else, I dove in.
We read all the books - or, sorry, let’s be realistic here - we buy all the books, and scan the table of contents for our current struggle.
On my bookshelf, you’ll find:
The Ned Hallowell series - Driven to Distraction, Delivered from Distraction, and ADHD 2.0
Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by Russell Barkley
Overcoming Distraction by David A. Greenwood
ADHD Coaching by Frances Prevatt and Abigail Levrini
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult ADHD by Mary V. Solanto
Mastering Your Adult ADHD; client workbook by a bunch of people
many, many others
They’ll binge the Youtube videos like How to ADHD:
They’ll follow all the ADHD content creators on the social media platforms.
They’ll listen to all the podcasts. ADHD Big Brother (me!) or ADHD Skills Lab.
In this phase it’s all about learning. The education on why we are the way we are is supremely helpful. It was for me. But during that time, I wasn’t moving forward. I will still stalled out, I was still paralyzed.
The positive side of Category 1 was learning that I wasn’t alone and knowing that my struggles were commonly experienced by my fellow ADHDer.
Category 2 - The ADHD Expert - Knowing Without Doing
Almost everyone that I work with on a one/one capacity knows as much - if not more -about ADHD than I do. And I consider myself well-read on the subject!
This is a tricky area to be in, because we now have all this information and we know about dopamine, executive function, task paralysis, time blindness, now and not now. We are armed with the ability to explain (brilliantly) why we can’t do the things we would like to do; the things we feel we need to do; the important things in our lives.
But in category 2 we are still not managing their ADHD. We are, however, exceptional at talking about why we can’t. This can be such a frustrating category to be in. We know what we would like to do and we still aren’t doing it. We got inspired by all those books and resources and we still aren’t moving our needle forward.
Category 2 is a great place to be to learn how to be cool with ourselves. It’s great to know that ADHD isn’t a character flaw. It’s great to have that foundation…the why we can’t.
At some point, it becomes supremely helpful to move from category 2 to...
Category 3 - The Doing of the ADHD Work - Action and Accountability
This is my favorite category. It’s where we show ourselves and our significant people and the world that despite our unique skull spaghetti, we can do the things we say we are going to do!
Category 3 is when we recognize our strengths and weaknesses and take the necessary steps to put into action all those things we already know about.
This is when we enlist an ADHD coach—a teammate who helps us stay focused, accountable, and consistently aligned with our goals. It’s ok to need those nudges at first.
This is when we connect with our fellow ADHDers and create accountability systems to work on those routines and systems that we have already built in our mind a million times. Again, I’m an ADHD professional and I created my very own community for top notch accountability and support. I built it because I need it just as much as the other ADHDers.
There are so many resources out there for ADHD and I would highly, strongly, monumentally encourage you to put in the time and effort toward something in category 3. Yes, this shit costs money. Just like everything in life, unfortunately. But the money I’ve spent on my own ADHD growth has already paid dividends. I caThis is not meant to be the pill you take for the rest of your life, but wouldn’t it be nice to get on the other end of this chaos sooner than later?
I’ll make it easier for you, here are people that I recommend that I’ve received a benefit from. Nobody asked me to put them in here, they won’t even know until I tell them! I get no money from it, etc etc. These are my favorites:
ADHD Big Brother - duh, that’s me, I’m obviously biased, but I’m confident in what I do, and the community is brilliant and successful. This is a link to the community, not my one-one coaching. My one-one is currently maxed out, but you can learn more here
Skye Waterson of Unconventional Organisation - Skye is amazing and she is brilliant at brain dumps and her unique prioritization filter is phenomenal. If you are an overwhelmed professional, connect with her! Get into category 3!
Megs Crawford of Mindful Megs - If organization is your issue, then I highly recommend Megs because I have single handedly experienced her de-cluttering genius. She visited our community for an organization workshop and it was brilliant. You will absolutely do the work working with Megs.
Dana Rayburn - she’s my ADHD coach and my mentor and she kicks ass. She’s also retiring this year, so if you want to get kick ass coaching and Category 3 the hell out of the year, you better hit her up sooner than later!
Alan P. Brown - If you have ADHD, then you have to know Crusher TV! You have to! Alan is one of the best of the best. Alan and I chatted on my podcast about setting goals, and he made the process really easy and enjoyable!
And this is just a small handful of the bajillion of helpers out there.
This article is all about taking action—and yes, that often means joining a community or hiring a coach. But there are free ways to get started, too. Show up in Facebook groups, Discord channels, or any space with ADHDers and a structured plan. Participation is key. Just show up every day, and you’ll be riding the wave of category 3.
Are you an ADHD professional? Do you help adults with ADHD? Do you have a free or paid community for adults with ADHD? Leave the name of it in the comments, what you do, how you help, and the link where people can check it all out! I’m ALL for ADHDers helping each other and I’m ALLLLL for ADHDers kicking ass in category 3. Let’s gooooooo!!!!