The Power of Community
Managing Life Together with ADHD
I’m almost 100% positive (I’ll say 99.45% positive) that you can relate to this: staring at a pile of laundry, or an overflowing inbox, while that little voice whispers, "You should be able to do this. You're an adult!" Meanwhile, the well-meaning normie (neurotypical) in your life chimes in with, "You just gotta do it. You know how to do it. I’ve seen you do it. Do what you did back then when you did it.” And we smile, nod, and inside we primally scream “NO SHIT I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!” If "just doing it" actually worked, wouldn't we have done it by now? Ughtastic.
For those of us who got our ADHD diagnoses later in life, we experience the grief and relief of having spent decades wondering why we felt like we were constantly sucking at life, and even though we now have a name for it, the old habits of self-doubt and isolation are hard to shake. We’ve tried all the apps, bought all the planners, watched a shitload of videos, and still can’t seem to get started and move our needle forward.
There is a missing ingredient that can help us out. It’s not another book to read, I swear! The secret to finally getting your shit together isn't about doing it alone, but about doing it... together!
The "Just Do It" Crap Trap vs. The "We Get It" ADHD Way
The "just do it" mentality is really stupid, isn’t it? For us, at least. Not for Nike and the normies of the world, but it is a landmine for the ADHD brain. It ignores the very real neurological differences that make simple tasks like laundry feel impossible. It fosters shame, reinforces procrastination, and leaves us feeling more isolated than ever. Anybody else? Anybody? Just me? LIARS!!
Imagine saying, "I just can't do the laundry today," and instead of a blank stare or the eye roll, or a dumbass productivity platitude, you hear: "Yup, totally get it. Is it the folding? The sorting? I struggle there, too. Here’s something that works for me. Wanna figure out one tiny step you can take right now? Wanna body double?" That, my friends, is the magic of a shame-free community that truly understands the ADHD experience. It’s a space where your struggles aren’t a sign of being lazy, but a shared starting point for creative problem-solving.
Could you imagine entering a room of people who all get you. You bring up a struggle, looking for help, and you get 10 ideas that all take into account your particular brand of skull spaghetti. Maybe 9 of them don’t apply to your life…but that other one - genius! Game changer!
Why Going Solo Makes It Harder
We've all tried to white-knuckle our way through life with ADHD. We've battled effective time management practices, fought off distractions (or did we?), and stewed in the anxiety of unfinished tasks. The emotional toll of constantly feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood, and like we keep letting ourselves and others down, is pretty intense! This often leads to a cycle of unrealized potential and persistent self-doubt. We know we could be/do great things “if I could just…”
Think about your current support system. Do you have people who genuinely get why a simple task can feel impossible, or why your brain is swirling a million other tasks that all seem more important right now, even though they aren’t. If your answer leans towards "not really, no one gets me," you're not alone. And that's precisely where the power of a like-minded community steps in.
Doing the Work, Together
At ADHD Big Brother, or other effective communities, it’s not just about gathering like-minded individuals to feel less alone (though that's a pretty rad bonus!). It’s about doing the work. We understand that accountability isn't just a nice idea; it's an actionable thing. And the collective energy of a community propels us all forward. This is why body doubling is so profound. This is why daily accountability clubs and support systems work so well (think of communities like nicotine quit groups, or AA). The quote I share all the time is “Hills are never as steep when you walk them with a friend.” God I love that quote. It’s so true!
A Community's Impact
The ultimate goal of all this community-driven effort is change. Something isn’t working, and the “go it alone” hasn’t created change. It’s about establishing consistent, productive routines that mitigate ADHD's impacts. It's about overcoming procrastination and self-doubt, developing confidence in checking off tasks, and reducing that gnawing anxiety around the ever-growing turd mountain of to-dos. It's about achieving a well-organized life with effectively managed daily routines, actively participating in a life that once seemed beyond your grasp.
And I’ll shout this from the mountaintop: it’s not enough to just read about it, or watch a video about it. If the thought is, “Just tell me how to do it, and I’ll take it from here and do it on my own”, I already know you have a 99.99% likelihood of being full of shit. (said lovingly…this was past me, too) It’s about the actual doing of the work. And if we are struggling to do the work on our own, how is hearing it a different way going to change anything? It’s still a shitty task. And our auto-pilot is still raring to kick on. How to do the work is the ultimate obstacle.
When you're surrounded by people who celebrate your small wins as much as their own, who offer empathy instead of judgment, and who genuinely want to see you succeed, the impossible starts to feel possible. This isn't just about managing ADHD; it's about reclaiming your self-worth. I know that’s a bit dramatic, but gaining confidence in our ability to manage our lives is a big deal, and requires a certain dramatic element to it!
Find your community. Engage in your community. And at the bare minimum, show up. Physically or virtually. Just be there. Soak up the insights and strategies of others and dip your toes in the water until you feel comfortable enough to dive in.
Community, as I learned from Carrie Melissa Jones, is a group of people who have mutual concern for one another. You’ll find that in a great ADHD community, and you’ll see that the concern is instant by the very nature of our shared struggle. I know it exists at ADHDBB. Where are you getting your community support?
This ramble has been brought to you by Russ Jones, host of the ADHD Big Brother Podcast!
If you want to learn more about how we are succeeding at this inside our community, here's the link to check us out.