Permission to Forget...Again!
The ADHD way to get your shit together
For those who are new to me, I’m an ADHD professional, I host the “ADHD Big Brother” podcast, and leader of an award winning community of ADHDers where we are all getting our shit together…together.
Getting our shit together is such a normie phrase. I like it, because it makes me chuckle. It’s the catch-all answer for normies when talking about us fixing our ADHD probles. And we have adopted it pretty well! How many times have we said to ourselves, “If I could just get my shit together…”
I thought I would take a short article to explain what I’m seeing as the anchor that holds the ship in place - preventing it from getting lost in Distraction Sea.
The answer is having command over time. And yes, this is clearly a hot topic for me because I realized that I wrote ANOTHER article on substack called “Permission to Forget”! It’s cool, though, I gave myself permission to forget that I wrote it.
I see this with everyone from stressed out business owners to people struggling to find a job - ADHDers love to not love a calendar, it seems.
These are the catch phrases of an ADHDer without a calendar:
“I’m so sorry I’m late, I totally forgot we were having lunch today!”
“I’m so sorry I missed your birthday!”
“I’m so sorry I have to cancel our appointment because I had something else pre-scheduled that day. I double booked again!”
“I have no time to do anything!”
“I feel like I worked all day, but what did I even get done??”
“I forgot the doctor appointment and now I’m getting charged!”
This is a problem.
It keeps us cycling through anxiety, depression, stress, self-doubt…it sucks.
I hesitate to say that the solution is easy, because it’s not. I can easily say, “Get a calendar system!” but it’s not that easy, is it? Which one? Does the app connect with my computer? Do I use an app or a physical calendar? We have this amazing ability to travel down the calendar path, playing out all the reasons why each and every “system” won’t work.
Here’s my solution
There is no one size fits all with ADHD. We recently had a productivity tip share event at ADHD Big Brother and the methodologies for productivity are as unique as the individual.
What I believe is at the core, though, is that every adult with ADHD needs some kind of externalization method, some way of getting the appointments and important dates out of our heads, and with necessary reminders. The number of those reminders depends on the individual and can be different for various things.
We must do what is necessary so that we earn “permission to forget.” I can forget it’s your birthday, because I will be reminded two days before, and then again on your birthday. There is a future stress now lifted.
Once you have a calendar system set up, it is imperative that it be true. This is one that I still work on to this day. It’s a great exercise when I do my weekly planning. For example, recently I had a client appointment scheduled on Tuesday, but that particular client had improved from going weekly to going every other week. And I hadn’t done the correcting of my calendar.
So now I have a calendar that isn’t true, and I’ve given myself stress and homework to figure out when the last time we met so that I can figure out if I am meeting this Tuesday or next Tuesday. True calendars prevent these kinds of additional mental energy drains.
My challenge to you
What is your calendar system that you will use? And by “use” I mean you will look at multiple times daily. This is where the ‘together’ in getting our shit together comes into play. Building new habits is tough. Accountabilibuddies makes is easier!
Do a weekly planning session and ensure that your calendar is true for the week.
(if you need help with weekly planning, please purchase Antonia Bowring’s e-book “The ADHD Success Planner” - we use her methods to great success in our weekly planning space at ADHD Big Brother.
There are so many facets to using a calendar and the nuances of your specific life will dictate that your method be tailored to you. If you need help with this, shoot me a DM or email or join the ADHDBB community and experience what a command of your time feels like!
Getting a handle on your calendar isn't just about showing up on time (although that’s pretty rad). It's a serious step towards building a more structured, less chaotic life. And I will shout this from the mountaintops - When you have more structure in your life, it starts to open up more unstructured, chase your whims, free time!
Happy Calendaring!
Your ADHD Big Brother,
Russ
Oh, shit, did I just turn this into an email with a signature line…whoopsie.