Permission to Forget
The greatest gift you can give yourself
We talk on the phone and we make plans to have lunch on Friday. I’m so excited to see you. We agree on the restaurant while on the phone. I’ll see you there! I can’t wait!
And then Wednesday and Thursday happen. During that time I have completely forgotten that I have lunch with you and when you text me on Friday if I’m running late, I have a full on panic attack and feel awful.
This is but one of the many times we suck at time management.
How about those times when we get a great idea while we are doing something else and we think, “I’m gonna remember that for later!” That comes with a .00001% success rate.
We have such great intentions! And yet…
There is this thing that adults with ADHD do, where we attempt to live life as the normies do. We expect that if certain things aligned the right way, then our brain would operate in a normie fashion. Rarely, if ever, effective.
The way I work with individuals is to operate under the acceptance that we forget, under the assumption that we will forget, and with the goal of getting to a place where we actually have permission to forget.
Wouldn’t that be amazing? If you could carry on with your day without relying on your brain?
How does that look?
I apologize, in advance, for these god awful buzzwords; self-awareness and habits and externalization
Self-awareness - catch yourself in those moments that will surely be forgotten. This might take practice. Perhaps you are making an appointment, perhaps you are having an epiphany during work, perhaps you are looking for a place to “set something down” where are the moments where you tend to be forgetful. For me it’s appointments, plans, and ideas.
Habit - what can you do so that you can give yourself permission to forget. If I put an appointment into my calendar app, with a reminder, then I can give myself permission to forget. I currently have the habit of checking my calendar in the morning to see what my day looks like, and I have the habit of actually looking at the calendar reminder when it goes off. By adopting these habits, I now get permission to forget.
Having one place to capture ideas, make plans, etc allows me to know exactly where information is. I don’t use random envelopes, random notebooks, or scratch paper anymore. Having one notebook to rule them all give me permission to forget, because I have everything in one place. Easily accessible. The most effective method I have found for this, to date, has been my own simplified version of the bullet journal. Here’s the 40 minute video where I explain how I use it. Ewwwww, back when I had a clean shaven face.
How to Bullet Journal with ADHD
Externalization - If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. There’s no, “I’ll be able to keep this one in my head.” That’s not real. I can’t tell you how many brilliant ideas I’ve had in moments of either meditating, or lying down, or showering, that no longer exist. As soon as I say, “Oh, I’m gonna remember that, for sure…” I’ve murdered the idea. I’ve sentenced it to death by forgetting.
Here’s a classic example:
How many of you have planned out your 5 year goals, and then a week later forgot that you even did the work to come up with your 5 year goal. And then a month later you say, “I’m gonna put together some 5 year goals.” Rinse and repeat.
Solution:
Externalize your goals. Put them where your eyeballs will see them.
I have multiple whiteboards in my place, and I have my long term visions as inspirational image cutouts that I put on the magnetic board. Where might that be for you?
Good luck with all of this! Remember to forget! Or wait…that sounds odd…Don’t forget to forget! Hmmm…nope…
Thanks for reading!
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Here’s what I have found in my years as an ADHD Coach. Adults with ADHD know everything about their ADHD. They know all the tips and tricks. But they rarely do the work. Because, you know, ADHD! If that’s you, if you try and “fail” every attempt, then accountability and support are required to get you managing your ADHD life. Seek it out.