It's Never Going To Feel Right

Except when it does

This came up during my office hours in the community and it’s still ripe in my mind, so I figured I’d write a quick article on it for ya.

For many of us, I’m noticing that we have this tendency to want something to “feel right” for us to take action. I see this in coaching quite often, and I also experience it myself. If the vibe isn’t right, it becomes goes into the Not Now category, and pawned off on later when I will probably “feel right” for the task.

Does that happen for you? You know the thing you want to do, you have great intentions, maybe you even plan it, but when the time comes it’s a hard “no”!

In ADHD, we spend a lot of time creating dopamine menus, looking at what will help give us that vibe. Perhaps it’s creating a nice clean environment to work in, perhaps it’s little sips of sugar to give us a quick boost, or perhaps it’s doing some cardio before we have to concentrate.

These are all great strategies. But they don’t guarantee success, and they definitely don’t make a shitty task suddenly not shitty.

We have to get comfortable with the discomfort of some of these tasks.

If you listen to the podcast, you know how much I hate doing the dishes. My body throws an inner tantrum at the thought of it. I hate the feel of gross food and wet plates, and the experience has never been joyous for me. And yet it is a chore that I do daily often.

It will never “feel right” to me.

I will never go jogging so I can have the dopamine to do the fucking dishes.

I love AI images…those plates are spotless! Why is he cleaning them? And why does his sink have two faucets…and holy shit that’s a clean counter. But I wouldn’t mind having his arms, and hair. Now I’m getting all resenty about it.

For me, the conversation is this:

Knowing that the dishes suck, and knowing that I wish to accomplish them so that I don’t feel shitty about myself because of the state of my kitchen, what can I do to accomplish them despite not “feeling it”?

One way to tackle this

I’m well aware that normie culture would say “Just do the dishes, dude, most people don’t enjoy it…you just suck it up and do it.” Understood. So let’s just move on from that and realize we are not that and be cool with ourselves about it.

I ask myself what is the smallest amount of time that I can allow myself to suffer on the particular task. Yes, it’s that dramatic. 10 minutes? 5 minutes? What might it be for you?

Then I eliminate the concept of done. Yes, that’s a bizarre concept because aren’t we there to do the dishes? Aren’t we there to “finish” the dishes. No. We are not. We are there to suffer for a short time.

With ADHD, rewards can often help. Would you like to know the greatest reward I’ve ever given myself on a shitty task? QUITTING! Don’t tell the normies. Quitting is a frowned upon word in productivity, success, greatness, achievement…aren’t we supposed to do hard shit…aren’t we supposed to wake up earlier than the lazy asses, work harder than the quitters, do more after everyone goes home for the day, sweat more, bleed more, pick ourselves back up more….

Nah. Let’s move on from that normie thinking. I’m good with quitting. When that timer goes off, I quit. And I feel good about myself because I did what I said I was going to do. I put in the amount of time that I said. I win. And maybe…just maybe…I might have the momentum to keep going to complete the task. And if that’s the case, awesome! But it’s all extra credit!

Try it and see

Pick a shitty task and set a short timer to work on it. Quit when the timer goes off. I am willing to bet you achieve something more than nothing.

Let me know how it goes! Leave a comment after the timer goes off and you quit!