This is some ADHD coaching for you. It’s also a challenge.
Are you a person who believes that having a reminder on your phone that you actually looked at would be helpful for those things you need help remembering? But you declare, “Reminders/Alarms on my phone don’t work because I just ignore them. I swipe them away without a thought. They just don’t work for me.”?
Do this.
Set a timer for 15 minutes (all tasks that might suck belong on a timer). Push start.
If you have an iphone, go to Settings → Notifications. Not sure the Android version.
Keep notifications on only for notifications you need to see.
The rest? Turn them off, completely. No banner, no badge, no alert sound, nothing.
I don’t know you, but unless you are some kind of influencer whos’ whole schtick is about how fast they respond on social media, you don’t need to know when you got a DM on your instagram. You don’t need to know when someone liked your Facebook post. Be brutally honest with yourself. You are going to be on instagram or Facebook or Tik Tok…you’re not going to forget that those accounts exist. You’ll see the alerts when you open the app.
You’ll be surprised by how many you have on. We have 500 apps on our phone. Every single one of those wants to let you know some shit. When there’s a DoorDash deal. Did you do your Duolingo for today? Reminder app wants you to remember a thing. (oops, that one just got swiped away) Homescapes has a new season and levels!
ADHD is about skills training. It’s about you, as you, with all that ADHD and depression and anxiety and etc…making changes to your behavior. If the rule is going to be “I honor my notifications when they come in” then let’s clean that phone up first and then create a rule.
Rule:
Every single time a notification happens on my phone, I will stop, look at it, and consciously make a decision about it.
You will learn really fast which notifications seeped through the cracks. If you are working on something and an Uber coupon pops up…time to kill another notification.
Text message from your kid comes up: gonna wanna see that one.
Reminder app is alerting me to something. Better click on that and see what it is. Oh, it’s a reminder that I need to make a phone call. Thanks, reminder app!
FAQ:
But what if I’m doing deep work and I can’t get distracted?
Put phone on do not disturb mode. Or, if you are like me, place it on silent and face down on your desk.
But what if I can’t actually do the thing that my reminder app is reminding me of?
When can you do it? Make a thoughtful decision about it and set a new reminder. An ADHDer who passes a reminder notification without doing something about it is saying, “I deny you, you filthy task, and I banish you forever!” Or, to put it plainly, you’ll forget. Trust in that.
Give it a try! Here’s a challenge. In the comments, tell us how many apps you have on your phone, and how many notifications you have turned on (after you are finished). Me - 114 apps (on iphone go to Settings → General → About → scroll down to the Applications line), 5 apps get my attention - phone, messages, calendar, whatsapp, monarch (finances).
Want some extra attention and support on how you, specifically, can be more productive, follow through more, be the version of you that gets those banished tasks done…join ADHD Big Brother. I’m giving new members a free 1:1 coaching session to look at where you are struggling with your ADHD and you’ll leave with a plan you can implement immediately to remedy those struggles. And be amongst myself and other members who are all implementing our strategies together! Done and done! Sign up here
Russ, your point about swiping away notifications 'without a thought' is the exact failure point of digital tools for the ADHD brain.
We treat them as invisible noise because they lack physical weight.
I’ve been testing a tactile interrupt designed specifically for this: a physical system that creates an immediate consequence for hesitation before the swipe happens.
It’s a 'notification' that cannot be swiped away because it requires a physical movement to resolve, not a finger tap.
Since you’ve found that digital reminders get 'banished forever' the moment they appear: Have you found that physical consequences (tactile friction) stick better than digital ones when the brain is in 'swipe mode'?