Heartset Over Mindset

My mind can suck it.

I’ll get to the joy stuff, just let me bitch for a second first.

For those of you that follow my work, you’ll know that I’m not an advocate for embracing ADHD. Accepting, yes. Embracing, hard pass. It is such a difficult brain situation. My skull spaghetti also comes with depression. Nothing to hug there, either. Yes, I’m really creative and there are aspects of my creativity that are neat. I would rather struggle with creativity than struggle with EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF LIFE! Perhaps that’s just me looking at the green grass over where all the normies are “just doing” things and being envious of them? Maybe.

When I hear about mindset, I don’t understand the effort. It sounds good on paper, I’ll give it that. Growth mindset sounds cool! Fixed mindset sounds bad. Understood.

But let’s look at the reality of my ADHD. I can have the world’s greatest epiphany, spend an hour in front of the mirror, and maybe get lucky and work my way into this growth mindset, into a set of beliefs that I think would serve me better. It all really does sounds good.

The second I walk out the bathroom, though, my autopilot kicks back on. Perhaps I notice all my kitchen cupboard doors are open and I think “what is wrong with you, dude”…and I completely forget the entire affirmation session and all that mindset shifting. It’s gone. Even if I didn’t have an “ugh” thought, my working memory is such shit that the moment my attention gets on something else, I’m back on auto-pilot.

And my brain on auto-pilot is awful! My brain is my greatest abuser. And I’m supposed to embrace my abuser? My mind says the meanest shit to me, about me. No hugs for you!

I do, however, love my heart. My heart is the best! My heartset is solid.

My heart is what allows me to be cool with myself.

My heart is what offers me a more humane approach to my abuser brain.

My heart only says the nicest things to me. It offers me hope.

My heart is who I turn to when my brain is being a world class douche.

I have noticed that the more time I spend trying to convince my mind that I’m not an imposter, loser, failure, the more I get sucked up into my mindset (and I think we’d refer to it as ‘fixed’) and I’m miserable.

I have also noticed that the more time I spend meditating, or being “in the moment”, the more I’m connecting with my heart, and the less power my mind has over me. It’s still there and it’s still an asshole. But the power is less.

If you are a person that can’t figure out why you aren’t just able to activate a new mindset, and your brain is your abuser, perhaps try giving up the fight to convince your brain you aren’t whatever horrible thing it’s saying you are. Perhaps try letting that thought go uncontested. Who, on this planet, if they said something mean to you, would have no impact on you? Who would you say “who gives a shit what you think about me” to? Who would you smile at because their comment was so petty and small and it doesn’t even break your stride as you walk past.

The heart is the friend who would say “don’t listen to them. Their comments mean nothing. Who gives a shit about their opinion! You’re awesome, let’s go on a hike.”

The heart rules. The brain can suck it.

I think Roxette said in best in their 1988 song title…”Listen To Your Heart”.

Are you a mindset shifter? How do you get on the other end of your own skull spaghetti when it’s being awful to you?

PS - These are my opinions. They are correct...for me, for now. I share to offer a perspective. We are all unique. None of you are me. And I am not so arrogant to think I have the one and only true perspective. I am, however, interested in your perspective!