Fuck Today! Easing The Overwhelm
Today is already broken. Here's how to set yourself up for tomorrow.
This week on the podcast, I talked about the life cycle of a task. You can listen to it here.
But for this article, I want to talk about why tasks don’t get done, and how to finally get to the other side of them.
The Taxonomy of To-Dos
Tasks come in a variety of flavors. We have ongoing tasks: brushing teeth, driving to work. These are routines. “Routine” is such a saucey, sexy word, isn’t it? It implies a task that requires zero friction or effort. Something you can ‘just do!’ No wonder we’re obsessed with building systems; when they work, they are supposed to make life feel effortless.
There are the surprise tasks. These come via shitty news, shitty mail, or shitty bosses. I say “shitty” because there’s usually an “ugh” attached. An unexpected bill. A phone call you’re dreading. A report that your boss just gave you.
Some tasks are fun, some are dumb, some are quick, and some take all day. But they all share two requirements: energy and time.
A task without a “when” is the main ingredient in an overwhelm pie. How many of us are staring at a three-page list right now, avoiding it because it’s just one giant, disgusting overwhelm pie?
Now vs. Not Now
People with our type of skull spaghetti usually operate using the Now or Not Now Principle. That’s the operating instruction we were born with.
If we aren’t doing it now, it becomes “Not Now,” which is a synonym for “Later.” Later is always an option for anything that doesn’t have a dire, immediate consequence. “Not now” is the path of least resistance. It takes almost zero energy to say it and move on. “Not now” is effective at clearing our plate!
We have a million reasons for “Not Now”ing a task:
I can’t get started.
It doesn’t “feel” right.
There’s too much resistance.
Something else just popped into my head that feels more important.
I need a better system or routine in place first.
(Note: I’m not talking about trauma, PTSD, or depressive episodes here. Those require therapy, rest, and sometimes medicine. As someone who deals with depressive episodes, I get it. I drink large quantities of “even though” to get things done when I’m sunk, but that’s a skill, using tools I’ve practiced, not a magic wand.)
Usually, we just do whatever feels right in the moment. We push off the “Not Now” items until they become a fire. A fire could be an angry spouse, a boss who is ready to fire us, or a repo man coming for the car. You know, shitty things! Things where it would feel worse to not do it. We wait for the threat of catastrophe to finally activate us.
Scrap Today
Here is the answer to all this rambling: decrease the overwhelm by scrapping today. Today is already broken. Fuck today. You’re welcome!
The only thing you’re going to do today is set a timer for 20 minutes. Sit down with your list of shit and pick one thing…for future you, for later. Doesn’t matter which one. If it’s on your list, it means you want to get it done, and you normally punt everything away and do none of it, so there is no “right” answer. Number them and roll a dice if you like.
Determine exactly when you will do it. Tomorrow? Wednesday at noon? Look at your calendar and find a realistic window. Schedule it with two reminder alarms.
By giving it a “when,” you’ve turned a crappy task into an appointment.
Coach Yourself
Now, use the rest of your 20 minutes to mentally “rehearse” the task like an Olympian. Anticipating the roadblocks you know are coming is how you coach yourself:
“I can’t get started”: Okay, what’s the very first micro-step? Make it easy. (If you’re stuck, check out my PDF on how to get started on anything).
“It doesn’t feel right”: It never will. Expect that. It’s going to feel wrong. How will it feel when you do it? Good, I imagine? Play that out in your mind’s eye today, so you can reference it tomorrow when your body throws an inner tantrum.
“I don’t have time”: You scheduled it. Unless you double-booked yourself, the time exists. If you did double-book, reassign it immediately. Don’t just delete it.
“Something else is more important”: Probably. Unless there is an immediate and true consequence like getting fired, that “important” thing can wait until after you honor your scheduled commitment. Even though it’s probably more important.
“I need a system first”: No, you don’t. A system is a side effort and takes you away from the task. You scheduled it, the time has arrived, honor it. And you can build the system later during your free time.
Give those tasks a ‘when’ and play through these obstacles and watch that overwhelm feeling start to lessen and the feeling of accomplishment and that self-confidence that you can do hard things will grow!
If you are ready to put these skills to the test, if you are done with ‘learning mode’ then join us and our implementation engine at ADHDBB. Let’s get our shit together…together!