After The Learning...
This week, on the ADHD Big Brother podcast I discuss as aspect of the ADHD journey that was not only true for me, but I’ve seen it quite often in our skull spaghetti circle.
For me it was a vibe that I would get, or a vibe that I would expect, upon learning something motivating. The vibe was that it had changed me and my actions would automatically follow suit.
I would learn how to reach my goals for example. It would sink in, and I’d do the whole Breakfast Club ending because “I finally figured it out!”
What was missing was my understanding that learning doesn’t equate to doing. I still didn’t feel like doing the thing. I still couldn’t motivate to do the thing…even though I had motivation for the result! Even though I wanted the result. Even though…
This is why we so often see ADHD coaching clients getting juiced up to do the work, and then showing up the next week with one of two answers:
“I worked on the thing for 30 minutes right after our appointment”
“I worked on it for 30 minutes before the appointment today”
In my 20s-30s this is how I handled my therapy appointments. In my early 40s this is how I was with the ADHD coaches that I tried.
To me the secret sauce in managing ADHD isn’t the learning. Most late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers have already done the Jessica McCabe deep dive with all her awesome Youtube videos, read the books like my current favorite Succeeding with Adult ADHD by Abigail Levrini, and are listening to the podcasts like….ahem, ADHD Big Brother, or the other awesome ones like Hacking Your ADHD, or The ADHD Skills Lab
And if you haven’t done your deep dive yet…there ya go. If you grab all the previously mentioned resources and do the work, your ADHD is managed. Done and done.
Unfortunately, the doing is the struggle.
My philosophy is that every motivational guru, every ADHD expert, anybody who has done the hardwork to flesh out a “system” has a system that works…if we do the doing part.
How to do the doing
Maybe you think I have a “system” that will take you from learning to doing - nope.
Maybe you think I have a 3 part system to get started - yes, I do. But learning it doesn’t mean shit. It has to be done to do the doing.
Here’s the answer:
Join a community and give a shit about yourself just enough to show up.
Take advantage of any area of your life where you can get support from someone else in terms of accountability. In my opinion, accountability should be the loudest buzzword in your arsenal of ADHD management.
I was recently lamenting about this with my mentor Dana Rayburn. She’s getting ready to retire this year and I was telling her how jaded I already am and I’m still just a baby in the business!
I’m just so tired of the fact that information on “how to” is everywhere. But the rest literally is all up to you. YOU have to do it. YOU have to move the needle forward. And how can you do that, when THAT’s the thing you can’t do?!
Here’s a thousand tips and tricks….which one to choose, which one to try, too many to pick, I can see them all and how they might not work for me, so I can’t pick any of them.
~jaded Russ from the book “ADHD is a Fucking 20 Sided Rubiks Cube!”
So please do yourself a favor and explore joining a community for accountability. Yes, I have one and it’s paid, and I would wager the ones that are most set up to help you succeed will come at a cost. Because a lot of work goes into creating them. Here are some options:
ADHD Big Brother , obviously! I love my horn and I toot it freely! :)
LikeMind - neurodivergent solopreneurs
Organizing an ADHD Brain - community run by the amazing Megs Crawford
ADDA - community for the members of ADDA+ (big community!)
I may come back and edit this post to add more communities as they come up.
BTW - I’m not talking about joining a community where you learn and talk about what you learn. Those are out there. They are everywhere. They are free. They are great! I love them and I recommend them. Learn and talk about learning to your hearts content. Then let’s get some accountability going for the doing! Let’s goooooooooooooo!!!!!
If you are a member of an accountability group of doers, share it in the comments! Promote it! We win by getting as many of us into the doing as possible!